I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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