I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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