i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize