Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
