Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
