Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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