am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
