He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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