Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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