his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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