the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
