Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
