Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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