Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
