Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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