Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
