Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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