I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
