the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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