Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
