Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize