is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize