it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize