Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
