My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
they need to just BURY HIM!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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