porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
