You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize