once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
