$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
