hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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