what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
