Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
