Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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