Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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