Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
