I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
