dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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