The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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