how can u be prego again
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
