Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
