I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
