Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
