I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
