We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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