are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
