Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
