sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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