I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
