I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
