I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
