Having a random hookup so left but love u
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
