We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
