So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
