I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
