Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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