I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
