Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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