I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
