yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
