if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
