just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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