I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
